Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Eye Exam...

A couple of weeks ago, I made 2 appointments - 1st was to have our taxes done and 2nd was to have our yearly eye exams. Now, I was absolutely certain that they were both scheduled for noon on consecutive Saturdays! We went last week and had our taxes done, which was relatively painless -just hand over our life history during the past year and listen to our tax lady type information into the computer (from the back side of the monitor where we cannot see a blasted thing!) - 1 hour later, *VOILA* she hands out our sentence. Would you like some cheese with that whine, she asks?? No thank you, just a tissue to blow my nose and wipe away the tear, thank you very much!
So this morning I woke up knowing today was the day for the dreaded "puff of air" test. I was sipping my coffee, sitting at the computer waiting for 10am to call and confirm the actual appt. with the front desk. DeGreve?? says the voice on the other end... you dont have an appointment at 12 OR 12:30. Aaah - wait here it is, you are scheduled at 10:15 this morning. Time froze... I quickly looked at the bottom right corner of the monitor to see it was 10:08!! And sorry, we are booked solid for the rest of the day. (sigh) I told her we would be there in 15 minutes and ran like a banshee downstairs to break the news to hubs that he had to get dressed and meet me at the car in 2 minutes. Now, some things you will never forget - no matter how young in life they happen to you. For me, it was the feeling of waking up late on a school day, scrambling around looking for my glasses and looking up just in time to see the big yellow blurrrrrrr of the school bus as it drove right past my home! HORROR OF HORRORS!!!
As all heck broke loose and hubs was just this side of a rant, we managed to brush our teeth, get dressed, jump in the car and make it to the vision center at 10:30 on the nose. ~ whew ~
So I'm waiting for them to call my name and I started looking at frames, knowing full well I was getting a new pair whether I needed them or not. I grow bored with the same thing day in and day out so new glasses were definately in order. All was going along just fine and then I heard it... Karen and Darrell, ready for your tests?? I've been having eye exams since the 3rd grade when I had to start wearing glasses and I can tolerate alot of things - but I hate the Glucoma Test, better known as the "puff of air" test. My palms sweat bad enough waiting for the wavy spots and clicking the clicker at the right time. Then you get to read the line lowest on the line up - and I know I can never read that bottom line, which makes me feel like a failure! The farm house in the distance has always been the calm before the storm to me because I know the last and most dreaded test is the one where she tells me to press my forehead against the bar and stare with eyes wide open at the infrared light that is boring a hole in my head. I know it's coming - and she is trying to distract me but my eyes wont stop watering or blinking because I'm anticipating what is coming - that puff of air! arrrrgh... I have go through it twice and usually I blink at least one time so they have to do it all over again.
So in the middle of all this, why does my mind always wander back to Alex in "Clockwork Orange" when his eyes are pried wide open to expose him to things he would surely turn away from if he could?
Well, I made it through the rest of the exam and frame selection and as we are driving home, $950 lighter in the wallet, hubs turns to me and says "that wasn't so bad, was it?" RRRRIGHT....at least I have a year to recover until I have to go through this all over again!

9 comments:

kat449 said...

9????9???$950.00 American dollars? What were the new glasses made from...Peruvian Cocaine????(sorry for the junkie humor in me) poor darlin, Im sorry, but Id be walkin around w/ frames but no lenses in em!!!! or a second hand seein eye pooch... or paintin my own white tip whimsical or primitive cane.
I wanna SEE EM!!!!!come on..show the class. Enjoy your week. I only giggled cuz I so appreciated the optical and dental fears. Excellent & funny read. Blessings, Kat

Cookie said...

redbud, darlin...redbud! hahahahaha

Both hubs and I got a pair of bifocals (not only does it sucks getting old - it gets expensive!)so the total included 2 pr. glasses and 6 months of contacts.
~Still a chunk of change any way you look at it.
thanks for stopping by, sister!

Countryfolk Keepsakes said...

950 bucks?! Holy smokes!! For that price I hope they have x-ray vision! :> )
Did ya get the no-line bifocal? I don't need glasses for distance but now that I'm over the hill I need them for reading. But I grab the cheapy cheater glasses at the drugstore. $14.99 and I'm a happy camper. 8> )
~Peanut

Prim and Proper Folks said...

Om my gosh..I my faces hurts from laughing so much!!! You are hilarious! I'm so proud of you making it to AND through your eye exam. Can't wait to see the new specs chickie! Susan

Lana said...

LOL! Cookie! I know exactly how you feel about that puff of air. I start blinkin' just thinkin' about it!
Hope you and hubs are sportin' some pretty nifty frames for those prices!

Mandie said...

Your postings are always so fun to read!! Do you write books or work for a Newspaper/Magazine?

You have a awesome way of pulling in the audience and your humor is the BEST!

Suzanne said...

Too funny! That much money would have been hard to hand over...but at least you can see!

BirchBerry Farms said...

Cookie---you my dear are a riot---Crosby Still & Nash and now you have GOT to be kiddin' me---I thought I was probably the only one in the world that has that trouble with that dang test---and actually it is basically anything that is by my eyes---the lady that waxes my eyebrows cracks up everytime I am in there---I am so glad I can make her day! FREAKS me out---I have to be sedated and I think maybe that should be for DAYYYYSSSSS!

Seeing is really overrated!

Cookie said...

oh girls, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who goes through this!
And Renee... HA!!
I can picture this all too clearly - I'm sure it's not until she is trying to smear the wax in the right spots and says "just relax and breathe, hon" that you realize just exactly how white your knuckles are and how deep the imprints of your fingers are on the underneath side of the naugahyde! LOL